Chapter 2: Who’s on your team?
It takes a village: Family and friends
At the beginning, I was the caregiver 24/7 for six weeks. Then one of her sisters came, and we worked out a rotation where we would each stay a certain number of weeks and then go home for ten days. It worked out so much better.
It truly does take a village to safely provide care for someone at home. Many caregivers try to “do it all” themselves but quickly realize the toll that caregiving can take. It can be very exhausting, both physically and emotionally, for the primary caregiver and other family members helping with care.
Often friends and family want to help but they are not sure how. Asking for help with caregiving and household tasks could greatly reduce some of your responsibilities. This will also provide some time to visit with the person who is ill and perhaps some time for yourself.
Below is a list of some of the tasks that you may need help with. Click on each topic to reveal several of the tasks involved and examples of how others may help.
- Bathing
- Dressing
- Eating/feeding
- Foot care
- Mouth care
- Toileting
- Lifting/transferring
Here’s what helped us…
My closest friend Amy is an esthetician, and she came once a week to wash mom’s hair. She also did her hands and feet. Mom was bedridden, and she said the pampering made her feel so fresh and new. Amy said this was her way of thanking Mom for all the times she hung out here when we were kids.
My brother lived around the corner, and either he or one of his boys would drop by at 8:30 in the morning to help me lift my husband from bed to his chair and then again around 8 p.m. to put him back into bed. This was a huge help for me.
- Meal planning/prep and clean-up
- Housework (cleaning washrooms, kitchen, floors, vacuuming)
- Laundry
- Outdoor/yard work/snow clearance
- Pet/Plant care
- Garbage/recycling
- Mail pick-up
Here’s what helped us…
My brother couldn’t help with care because he and his wife worked long hours, but his wife would cook extra meals and freeze them for us. Every couple weeks they’d stock our freezer. My husband couldn’t eat it, but the kids and I did and I really appreciated this.
My son (12) took the garbage and recycling out, my daughter (7) watered our plants, and my sister came by every week with clean towels. She’d even take dirty loads home and clean them for us.
- Grocery shopping/drop-off
- Prescription pick-ups
- Transport/accompany to appointments
- Transport/accompany to social/special events
- Car maintenance
Here’s what helped us…
Anusha (my wife’s sister) drove her to many of her treatments and various appointments so I could work for a few hours at a time.
Our neighbour offered to pick up groceries or run quick errands on Thursday mornings when he went out for his own items.
- Banking/paying bills
- Taxes
- Legal documents
Here’s what helped us…
Because Jean was an attorney, he looked after our parents’ legal documents, paid the bills for them, and filed their taxes. It was a big responsibility off my shoulders. We were lucky.
- Researching available programs and services
- Arrange appointments
- Coordinate care
- Coordinate support services
Here’s what helped us...
I had my hands full with the care and with coordinating all the appointments and home visits, so I was so relieved when Li (my brother) offered to keep all the family and friends updated on Mom’s progress. Mom is well loved, and it took so much of my time answering inquiries, calls, and emails. This way I only had to relay the updates to Li, and he took care of the rest.
