Chapter 2: Who’s on your team?
It takes a village: Family and friends
At the beginning, I was the 24/7 caregiver for six weeks. Then one of her sisters came, and we worked out a rotation where we would each stay a certain number of weeks and then go home for ten days.
It truly does take a village to provide care. Many caregivers try to “do it all” themselves but quickly realize the toll at-home caregiving can take. Caregiving is often exhausting, physically and emotionally, both for the primary caregiver and other family, relationships, and responsibilities.
Often friends and family want to help but are not sure how. Getting help with home care tasks could greatly relieve you from some of the overwhelming responsibilities and allow you to focus on the person who is ill and find precious time for yourself.
Below is a list of some of the different tasks that may need to be done. Click on each topic to reveal several of the tasks involved and examples how others were able to help.
- Bathing
- Dressing
- Eating/feeding
- Foot care
- Mouth care
- Toileting
- Lifting/transferring
Here’s what helped us…
My closest friend Amy is an esthetician, and she came once a week to wash mom’s hair. She also did her hands and feet. Mom was bedridden, and she said the pampering made her feel so fresh and new. Amy said this was her way of thanking Mom for all the times she hung out here when we were kids.
My brother lived around the corner, and either he or one of his boys would drop by at 8:30 in the morning to help me lift my husband from bed to his chair and then again around 8 p.m. to put him back into bed. This was a huge help for me.
- Light housework (sweeping, dusting, etc.)
- Meal planning/prep and clean-up
- Housework (cleaning washrooms, kitchen, floors, vacuuming)
- Laundry
- Outdoor/yard work/snow clearance
- Pet/Plant care
- Garbage/recycling
- Mail pick-up
Here’s what helped us…
My brother couldn’t help with care because he and his wife worked long hours, but his wife would cook extra meals and freeze a meal for us when she prepared food for her family. Then every couple of weeks they would visit and stock our freezer. My sick husband couldn’t eat it, but the kids and I could, and it saved time and worry about the kids eating healthy.
My son (12) took the garbage and recycling out, my daughter (7) watered our plants, my sister came by every week with clean towels and linens and took a couple of dirty loads home, and my neighbour would often stop by for a tea and a “chat” with my dad for an hour so I could slip out and do some errands.
- Grocery shopping/drop-off
- Prescription pick-ups
- Transport/accompany to appointments
- Transport/accompany to social/special events
- Car maintenance
Here’s what helped us…
Anusha (my wife’s sister) drove her to many of her treatment sessions and appointments so I could work for a few hours at a time.
Our neighbour offered to pick up groceries or run quick errands on Thursday mornings when he went out for his own items.
- Banking/paying bills
- Taxes
- Legal documents
Here’s what helped us…
Because Jean was an attorney, he looked after our parents’ legal documents, paid the bills for them, and filed their taxes. It was a big responsibility off my shoulders.
- Researching available programs and services
- Arrange appointments
- Coordinate care
- Coordinate support services
Here’s what helped us...
I had my hands full with the care and with coordinating all the appointments and home visits, so I was so relieved when Li (my brother) offered to keep all the family and friends updated on mom’s progress. Mom is well-loved, and it took so much of my time answering inquiries, calls, and emails. This way I only had to relay the updates to Li, and he took care of the rest.
