Chapter 3: Identifying your losses

Loss of intimacy

I've been there
Dianne talks about missing physical contact and affection.(3:22)Video transcript

I sleep in his T-shirt. If I turn away from his side of the bed, the emptiness in the bed doesn’t feel so overwhelming. I miss his touch so much.

She knew me better than anyone.

Although intimacy includes sex, it is not the only part of a physical relationship in a partnership. It can mean holding hands, cuddling on the couch to watch TV, or a neck rub after sitting at the computer. Intimacy can also include sharing meaningful conversations or having a meal together at the end of the day.

You may miss your partner’s touch, their loving glance, and your physical relationship, or you may deeply miss the feeling of really knowing someone and being known by them. Recognizing what you are missing, reflecting on it, and acknowledging it are all part of understanding your loss.

What may help

  • If physical touch is important to you, consider ways that you might be able bring this into your life. You might let family and friends know how important a hug is to you. You might schedule massage treatments for yourself.
  • While it may be true that no one knows you as well as your spouse did, you may want to spend time with family or friends with whom you feel comfort and familiarity.
  • You may also know people who share your beliefs, values, or interests, and who can provide you with companionship at this time.