Chapter 2: What may be different about your grief

Thoughts and feelings

I've been there
Alvin talks about the roots of his anger.(3:22)Video transcript
Dianne speaks about sudden waves of grief. (3:22) 

I have become so aware of how much my grief can be triggered by smell, taste, and sound. Oh, and music! How it can draw me into the depths of sorrow! Or bring sweet memories of my partner and our time together.

As you shift from “we” to “I,” many different thoughts and feelings may come up. Some may be confusing or even disturbing to you. They may last a long time or not be what you expect. For example, you might not feel sad, or you might not cry. Not crying doesn’t mean that you don’t care about or feel your loss. Roll your mouse over each box to discover examples about thoughts and feelings you might have.

About taking your spouse for granted; not saying “I love you” often enough; or not being there when they died.

About your spouse leaving you or not making better arrangements before their death.

After discovering an unknown debt, secret savings account, or affair.

Sometimes feelings get mixed up with other feelings. For example, you might have felt relief that your spouse’s suffering came to an end after a long illness or that the burden of caregiving had been lifted from you. Your feelings of relief may have led to feelings of guilt or shame. You may have begun to think about times when you were unkind or impatient.

​​ Helpful resources  - Learning a Secret After a Death