Chapter 3: Other circumstances that may impact your grief

Twin or multiple loss

All of a sudden, I was faced with the possibility that not all my children would survive or be healthy.  

If you had a multiple pregnancy where none of your babies survived, you will be grieving two or more losses. You may have imagined how your family would have adapted and developed relationships with each of your babies. You may be feeling a loss of “specialness,” which is often associated with twins or multiple siblings.

If not all of your babies survived, you will be grieving the loss of one (or more) while celebrating the birth of the other(s). This can be confusing and upsetting. You may feel sad that your surviving baby or babies will grow up without their sibling(s) and wonder how it might affect them later in life.

You may also have to deal with people who say things such as, “At least you didn't lose both (or all) of them.” Perhaps you have thoughts like this yourself.

What may help

  • Remind yourself that your happiness or joy about the birth of your baby or babies does not cancel out your grief about the loss of another. Whether or not you have other children or can get pregnant again, your grief is real.
  • Look for supportive people. You may want to connect with other parents who have experienced this kind of loss. This might be online or through a local resource.

Helpful resources - Multiple pregnancy complications - Support for loss and grieving - Resources for parents and professionals - Twins bereavement support group - Coping with the loss of a twin