Chapter 5: How your loss may affect your relationships with others
We survived thanks to the unconditional support and love that we got from our families and friends.
I’m glad that we told people about my miscarriage because they were so supportive. People brought groceries, toys for our toddler, and meals.
If you have friends who are pregnant, are planning a pregnancy, or just had a baby, you may find it difficult to spend time with them. For example, it can be upsetting to hear them complain about continued pregnancies or how difficult it is with a newborn when you feel that you would give anything to still be pregnant or be woken up every three hours.
Some friends may distance themselves out of their discomfort or worry of saying the “wrong thing.” Other friends may be able to just sit with you and let you cry or express whatever you are feeling. They may talk, bring food, or send texts without expecting a response.
What may help
- Let your friends know what is and what is not helpful. You may be surprised by who ends up being your biggest support.
- You may find that certain friends are especially good at being there for you at this time. This doesn’t mean that your other friends are no longer your friends. You may experience changes in your friendships or in the roles some friends play in your circle of support.
- It is also okay to back away from invitations or previously planned events. If you feel unsure or aren’t ready to attend, let people know, and ask if they can support you by being flexible and understanding if you change your mind at the last minute.
- You may be surprised by co-workers, friends, or distant relatives who come forward with their own stories of early pregnancy or perinatal loss. Hearing how they were affected and how they coped can help you to feel less isolated and may be a source of comfort and advice.