Chapter 3: As time goes on
Thoughts of getting pregnant again
I am at 37 ½ weeks this time. I am anticipating this birth, but I never knew that I could have such grief and sadness, and joy and excitement all in one feeling.
This time I waited 14 weeks to tell anyone at work and even then, I did not celebrate being pregnant for a long time. I didn’t plan for the baby room or buy any baby clothes, and we didn’t try to think of any names. My therapist said, “You are protecting your heart; but if something happens again, you won’t feel any less pain.” It made all the difference to be able to live and enjoy this pregnancy.
The decision about if and when to “try again” is different for each person. You might want to try right away, or you might need more time. If you long to get pregnant again, you may have many questions and concerns. For example, you may feel anxiety and worry that "it will happen again”; or you may be waiting for test results. A common question is “Is this the right time?” You may also feel guilty, wondering if you are trying to “replace” the pregnancy or baby that you lost.
Considerations
In making your decision, you may need specialized medical support, intervention, or monitoring, but it’s important to trust your own thoughts and feelings about when and if it feels “right” to try again.
Trying again
Becoming pregnant again after a pregnancy or infant loss is likely to stir up many strong feelings. You may feel confused by feelings of happiness mixed with sorrow. You may fear that you’ll “forget” about the baby that you lost, or you may fear that something will go wrong again.
If you decide to go ahead, the next step is to find a healthcare provider who understands the impact of your pregnancy or infant loss. It’s important that you can trust your healthcare provider to support your needs. Click to view some of these needs.
Receiving additional monitoring, more frequent appointments, and extra reassurance.
Obtaining a letter of support that you can present at ultrasound appointments so that you don’t have to repeat your story.
Bringing a supportive person with you to appointments.
Requesting a private tour of the birthing unit or looking into private prenatal classes.
Reaching out for professional counselling support if you have increased anxiety or have other troubling thoughts or feelings.
Making a birth plan to highlight the unique support that you will require during and after this pregnancy.
Note: Some of the options or services noted above may be impacted by restrictions in effect as a result of COVID-19.
