Chapter 5: Your grandparent’s belongings
Should you offer to help?
I wasn’t part of going through my nan’s things because my mom and my aunts took care of that. But my mom did ask me if there was anything special I wanted to remember nanna. There was. I am so grateful I got to keep something that was important to me.
It might be that your grandparent’s things have been left pretty much as they were when they died. If so, it may be that the person they lived with or whoever is responsible for doing this feels immobilized and doesn’t know where to begin. It’s also possible they find great comfort right now in leaving things as they are. Try not to make assumptions.
If sorting through and giving away your grandparent’s belongings was done without any input from you, or if you did not have an opportunity to select an item in their memory, you may find yourself feeling hurt or resentful. Try to remember that when people are grieving, they do not always take everything into account when making decisions, and it is very likely nothing was done to deliberately hurt you.
Your memories of your grandparent will live on in you whether you received a particular keepsake or not. You might think about buying a special frame for a favourite photo or purchasing something that reminds you of them.
Not everyone has the luxury of time. Depending on the situation, things may need to happen promptly because of things like rental policies or because you, or others, live in a different part of the country or the world. If there is no choice but to make quick decisions, feelings of regret and guilt are not uncommon. It is important to remind yourself that you did the best you could at the time, and it is helpful to remember that others are also doing the best they can.
Considerations
If you would like to help or be involved, gently let the person responsible for your grandparent’s belongings know you would be willing to help if and when they ever want to begin. Emphasize that you are offering to help only if they want help and that you are not implying that they need to do it now.
