Chapter 1: An introduction to grief
I remember leaving the hospital after she died, and I actually couldn’t believe the sun was still shining.
There are some days I wake up and find myself struggling to even believe he died. I pick up the phone to call him and then I remember. When that happens, the sadness starts all over again.
I was surprised at how the grief came in waves for me. One day I was fine and the next I wasn’t. You can get through it, but it changes you forever.
Grief hasn’t ended for me, but it has changed. I think we need to work on making space for people to just be with one another, without trying to fix it or put a timeline on it.
Grief is a normal response to loss that is often misunderstood. Whenever you lose someone or something important to you, you grieve, but not always in the same way. Some losses are more significant than others and have a greater impact on you. Click on the arrows below to reveal some facts about grief.
Grief doesn’t follow a straight line.
Grief doesn’t have a time limit.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Only you can decide what is or isn’t helpful for you.
Your grief may come and go and vary in intensity.
Grief-related thoughts and feelings can come up months or even years later.
Everyone grieves in their own way
There are some days I wake up and find myself struggling to even believe he died. I pick up the phone to call him and then I remember. When that happens, the sadness starts all over again.
Right after she died, I
remember being at a red light and thinking, “How is it that the streetlights
are working, and the restaurants are open? Everything just needs to stop for a
while.”
What affects your grief
Many factors may impact your grief. Click on the arrows below for some examples.
Your relationship with the child who died.
How the child died.
Your values and beliefs.
Your supports.
How you usually cope with distress and other losses you’ve experienced.
What else is happening in your life, such as a new job, moving, separation or divorce, your physical and mental and mental well-being, or financial struggles.
It’s not just one loss
A child’s death often brings other losses with it. These are referred to as “secondary” and are connected to your relationship with the child, as well as the role they had in your life and the one you played in theirs. Your losses may also be related to hopes, dreams, and expectations about the future.
