Chapter 4: Coping with unrecognized grief

Exploring your beliefs

I’ve lost my sense of trust, my dreams for the future, financial security, and my sense of who I am.

It can be difficult to figure out how to deal with the effects of unrecognized grief. This is especially true if you have become emotionally, practically, or physically cut off from those whom you might have expected to support you.

You may find it useful to think about your own beliefs about grief, your loss, and yourself. Understanding more about how you grieve can help you to figure out what works best for you. You might ask yourself questions such as:

  • Is my grief “real”?
  • Do I have a “right” to feel the way I do?
  • When dealing with loss or death in the past, did I mostly talk, cry, and want to be with others? Or did I mostly think, have projects, and work things out on my own?


As you think about what seems helpful, trust your instincts. Don't expect to be able to do everything at once; be patient and pace yourself.