Chapter 4: Coping with unrecognized grief
Understanding the impact of unrecognized grief
I felt misunderstood, silenced, and alone in my grief. My sense of loss was deep, but it also felt invisible.
Unrecognized grief can add a “layer” of extra difficulty as you struggle with feeling misunderstood, judged, or possibly silenced. You may be excluded from receiving information, from decision-making, or from important events. Without support from others, you may wonder how legitimate or valid your feelings are.
Experiences of unrecognized grief can vary a lot depending on your individual situation, including your relationships with family and community. Below are examples that describe some ways that unrecognized grief can affect you, and some thoughts or feelings you might have. Click the buttons in each box to view all of them.
Impacts of unrecognized grief on your behaviours
You hide your grief from others, or you don’t openly express or talk about your grief.
You leave out important details of the death.
You revisit past experiences when you didn’t or couldn’t grieve.
You’re thinking or behaving in ways that you thought you’d given up.
“If I tell people how I’m feeling, they’ll start avoiding me.”
“No one wants to hear that it was suicide.”
“When we lost all the money, things from my past that I never dealt with came back.”
“I haven’t felt this worthless in years, and I’m afraid that I’ll start drinking again.”
Impacts of unrecognized grief on your emotions and beliefs
You doubt yourself.
You feel “stuck.”
You question your beliefs or values.
You have no idea how to “heal” or move forward.
You have no energy or interest for activities you once enjoyed.
“Everyone says I’m ‘too intense’ and that I need to just move on.”
“I keep asking, ‘What if?’ and ‘How did this happen?’”
“I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“I can't find anyone who can tell me how they got through it. So I get this hopeless feeling.”
“I’ve lost interest in doing the things I used to enjoy. I go from feeling numb to enraged.”
Impacts of unrecognized grief on your interactions or relationships with others
You lose friendships or other important ties.
You’re excluded from decision-making or participating in rituals.
“My family and faith community have shunned me. I feel abandoned, rejected, and alone.”
“I am angry that I wasn’t told about my dad’s celebration of life or burial arrangements.”
Impacts of unrecognized grief on your interactions or relationships with others
You lose friendships or other important ties.
You’re excluded from decision-making or participating in rituals.
“My family and faith community have shunned me. I feel abandoned, rejected, and alone.”
“I am angry that I wasn’t told about my dad’s celebration of life or burial arrangements.”
