Chapter 3: Recognizing unrecognized grief
Your own responses
Friends still call me once a week, but except for taking a couple of walks, I don't want to be around other people.
I've never felt like this before. I want to cry but I can’t; there are no tears. I don't want to feel this pain. Sometimes I wish I didn't exist, but it’s just a wish.
The image I've had of myself is a person who takes up the most minuscule amount of space possible. I see myself as curled up into a tiny ball and fitting myself into a teeny tiny space. That’s it; that’s what I get. That’s my allowable space, and that’s what I’m worth.
You may also notice responses or behaviours of your own or self-talk that let you know that you’re not acknowledging or perhaps minimizing your own grief. Click the arrows below to see examples of these behaviours.
Not talking about it.
Avoiding reminders of it.
Not attending a memorial or a service.
You may also say things like:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“This is no big deal. I need to pull myself together.”
“At least….”Once you notice that your grief has been unrecognized by even yourself, you can take steps to deal with it. Be kind to yourself and seek out people who will listen and support you.