Chapter 2: Why your grief may not be recognized
Some possible reasons
I feel anger now. My whole life I stuffed anger down and never really expressed rage. There were a couple of times when I blew up, but usually I would just try to keep myself busy, cleaning the house or going to work in order not to feel.
When Tom died, I couldn’t tell anyone about my grief because we’d been having an affair for several years. I also couldn’t face going to his funeral.
When you're grieving, it can be especially hurtful if people dismiss your feelings. You may ask yourself why they’re acting a certain way or saying certain things to you. How do they decide what is unacceptable, inappropriate, or unworthy in the first place?
It’s not always the situation itself that results in unrecognized grief; more often, it’s the way the situation is understood or judged by other people that makes a difference. Click the arrows below to see some of the reasons for this.
Anger about past events or behaviours.
Fractured relationships in a family, between friends, or in a community.
Discomfort or fear with some aspect of death or grief.
Rigid beliefs about right and wrong, and about making decisions or judgments regarding others.
Expectations that everyone will see the world in the same way.