Chapter 4: What’s different about grief after MAiD?
Lingering questions
Even though I supported his decision completely, I still find myself wondering if I should have talked him into waiting a little bit longer. Then I feel selfish because I just wanted him for a few more days. I know how much he was suffering, and yet I still revisit that thought…and round and round it goes…
I still feel some guilt like maybe if I had been a ‘better, more caring’ son, he might not have been so quick to decide to go. I was - and still am - totally supportive of his decision, but I guess it’s normal to also experience regret from time to time.
After someone dies, most people find themselves going over the details of the illness and the death. It’s natural for questions to arise and for people to revisit questions addressed before the death.
Click on the arrows to view some common questions that might come up for you:
Was I right to agree with his decision to have MAiD?
Was she really that sick?
Did they choose MAiD because they thought they were a burden to us?
What may help
Remember that a person must meet specific criteria set out by law to have an assisted death. The review process includes understanding what “being a burden” meant to that person and whether there were unmet needs that could have addressed this.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. Share your questions with a trusted friend or family member who will listen without passing judgment.
If you find yourself stuck in an endless loop with these thoughts, consider talking to a grief counsellor.
