How has this loss affected my family and me?: Chapter 1: What did this relationship mean to me?: This relationship was not recognized by others

Chapter 1: What did this relationship mean to me?

This relationship was not recognized by others

The grief expert says

Fred Nelson, social worker, discusses who we grieve.(3:22)Video transcript

Dr. Chris MacKinnon, psychologist, uses miscarriage to explain "invisible grief".(3:22)Video transcript

My first boss was like a father to me. His death was such a profound loss, but none of my friends or family understand why I am taking his death so hard.

Some relationships are more widely recognized than others, in life and in death. There are even specific words for certain losses. Someone who loses a spouse becomes a “widow” or a “widower.” You may feel very alone if you are grieving a relationship that is not valued or understood by your family or community.

She was really important to me.

After the death of a secret romantic partner, it may be very hard to tell others what the loss means to you.

My mother doesn’t know that I’m gay, and didn’t know about my relationship with Sarah. Now that Sarah is dead, Mom keeps asking me what is wrong and I can’t tell her.

Grieving the death of a same-sex or transgender partner can be especially stressful if your relationship was not accepted by your family or community. Feeling that family or friends would have disapproved can leave you feeling isolated. It is important to have the support of allies. Grieving a secret relationship by yourself can be overwhelming.

How does this relationship affect my grief?

You might be coping with your grief alone. People often feel isolated in their grief; an unrecognized relationship can make those feelings even stronger.