Chapter 1: What did this relationship mean to me?

Working on a difficult relationship after death

He told me that he never loved me
I always told myself that I couldn't live without her.

It may be possible to repair a complicated relationship after death. Some people find that identifying hurtful things said to them by the person who has died can help remove blocks to healing. Others realize that messages they believed for years are not true. The next task is giving yourself permission to let go of these hurtful and false statements.

Some people find that writing to the person who died can help heal their wounds. Try writing a letter using this exercise by psychologist Robert Neimeyer:

  • What I have always wanted to tell you is…
  • My best memory of you is…
  • What you never understood was…
  • What I want you to know about me is …
  • What I now realize is…
  • The one question I have wanted to ask is…
  • I want to let go of…
  • I want to keep you in my life by…